There it is again. That feeling that if you didn’t pay attention, might barely feel detectable. Until later that is. You go home and start feeling drained, deflated and down, but you’re not sure exactly why.
Your mind starts replaying events, and then the realization slowly dawns on you.
What did she mean by that?
You listened quietly all evening to the friend that couldn’t stop talking about herself. When you tried to join the conversation, she swatted away your attempts as if you were a fly, a nuisance, that didn’t deserve an ounce of attention.
You’ve known it, denied it, and even made excuses for the fake friends in your life, but this you can’t take anymore. It’s time to move on from these toxic people, but first, you need to see them for who they really are.
Here are common telltale signs that you have fake friends you need to shake for good.
1. Fake friends only talk about themselves. They don’t care about your promotion or the birth of your child. They care about one thing and one thing only, and that’s themselves. Your success in life is a bridge to discuss their lives and accomplishments. And they will never let your light shine brighter than theirs.
2. Fake friends constantly put you down. Seemingly innocent offhand remarks are their chance to take you down a peg. They share not so subtly what you should and shouldn’t be doing. They are quick to offer unsolicited advice but never provide any productive feedback. Along with harsh criticism, they make rude and sarcastic comments hoping to get a rise out of you. They will keep pushing until they do.
3. Fake friends are extremely defensive. You’re not allowed to be upset, but if you are, they get extremely defensive even going as far as tearing you and your character down. They will not hold back and want to show you who’s the boss so you dare not speak an ill word about them again. They’re bullies in every sense of the word.
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief. – Cicero
4. Fake friends are the unhappiest people you know. Don’t be fooled. No matter how successful fake friends look or how great they tell you their lives are, people that are truly successful will not make it their life’s focus to one-up everyone. Happy people support their friends and share in their friend’s joy as if it was their own. They are confident in themselves, and that shows in how they behave and treat others.
5. Fake friends highlight your insecurities. Hate that you are carrying extra weight around your tummy? They will bring it up time and time again. They will see your first grays sprouting before you do and make it their mission to remind you of your imperfections. With friends like this, you’ll never need enemies. They will use your insecurities against you and attack you where it hurts the most.
6. Fake friends compete with you on everything. You car, house, children, looks, parenting styles are all fair game, and they will attack on all fronts especially if your beliefs differ from theirs.
7. Fake friends are quick to judge. One wrong move and it’s over. Accidentally say the wrong thing? They will judge you instantly, and if you’re not jumping through hoops to please them, you are deserving of their wrath.
8. Fake friends gossip about everyone, even you. That best friend from high school they claim they love? Yes, they’ll tear them down too and right in front of you. They’re not afraid to share their opinions and grievances. And make no mistake when you’re not around they’re talking about you too.
9. Fake friends are masters at the blame game. They refuse to admit they’re wrong or accept their part in any situation that puts them in a negative light. They will only see your faults and never their own. Their lack of compassion and empathy is astounding and their perceptions inflexible.
10. Fake friends will never forgive or forget. Forgiveness means letting go of hurt, anger and resentments to heal yourself. It’s not forgetting or minimizing what you have gone through, but it’s freeing yourself from pain and suffering. Unfortunately, fake friends thrive off of negative energy, and they hold grudges like medals of honour. You may take a break from the friendship only to walk back into it thinking this person has changed, that maybe this time things will be different. They will even lower their guard to bait you back in, but as soon as you are in their clutches they will be at their old games again.
There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. – Jane Austen
Life is short, you deserve to be surrounded by people that love and support you. Friendships that fill you up and nurture your soul, not destroy your spirit. Real friends believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself, they lift you up, put your heart at ease and wipe away your worries by being there for you. They don’t judge or compete with you. Real friends love you for who you are and share your joys and your tears.
It’s time to ghost your fake friends for good.
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. ― Jim Rohn
Maybe you think you don’t need to do anything about your fake friends. You don’t see them very often, or only follow them on social media or even you’ve learned how to play their games. Whether you realize it or not, these friends are draining you and your energy. Even if you rarely see them, they are taking up valuable space in your mind.
Replaying these negative encounters, thinking of how to perfectly play the game, and getting annoyed by their self-indulgent social media posts, is bringing negativity you don’t need in your life.
You need space for the amazing people and things in your life – your children, partner, dreams, goals, and health to name a few.
Where focus goes, energy flows. – Tony Robbins
The harsh reality is that if you want to grow and make space for what really matters you have to let go of the people that you bring you down. It’s as simple as that.
Are you willing to put up with constant drama to maintain a relationship that’s doing more harm than good?
It’s time to be honest with yourself about who you are (and aren’t) willing to welcome into your life.
One true friend is worth more than a dozen fake ones.
So, kick the fake friends to the curb for good.
Now share with me, what difference has removing fake friends made in your life?